


Promise Nothing

by tinx_r



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-20
Updated: 2008-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-17 15:53:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/pseuds/tinx_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A difficult conversation...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise Nothing

"Did you love her?" I asked into the awkward silence that had taken up residence between us.

I heard Nick sigh, but didn't turn to look at him. I kept my eyes fixed on the harbor, watching the setting sun bleed slowly out into the sea.

"I don't know, Cody," he said at last, his voice low. "I wanted to."

"Do you miss her?" I closed my eyes. I didn't want to know any of this, not really, but it was like picking a scab - I couldn't help myself.

"Sometimes, I guess." He sighed again. "I didn't know her. I thought I did, but - well, you know how it turned out."

"I know," I agreed softly, and turned to look at him at last.

He was leaning back, holding his beer against his chest, looking at me with his lips pressed together. "What's this about, man?"

"Nick, I want - " I hesitated. This was all my fault, after all. It was me who'd started it with Sheila, me who'd torn us apart talking about wives and families and how what we were to each other couldn't last forever.

"What, Cody?" Nick asked, interrupting my thought. "What do you want?"

I met his eyes and swallowed hard, wondering if the sadness I could see there was for Peggy or for us. "I want you back," I whispered. "Nick, I miss us. So bad."

He got up and for a minute my heart leapt, but he moved away from me, over to the railing. "What happens when you meet the next wife-to-be, Cody?" he asked. "Next time a pretty girl looks at you the right way and you get that urge to carry on the Allen family heritage?"

I winced. I'd used those words the morning after I'd met Sheila. "I don't think that urge is coming back, Nick."

"Thing is, Cody, I just don't know if that's something I'm prepared to bet on this time." He turned to face me, one hand still holding the rail. I could see his knuckles white against the brass. "You said yourself, you and I, we couldn't last forever."

"Nick..." My mouth had gone dry and I felt my stomach contract sharply. I could really lose him, this time. The sudden knowledge of it shook me to the core and I pushed myself to my feet. "Nick, I was wrong. I know I was wrong." I could hear the fear rasping in my voice and no doubt he could too, but I didn't care. I moved to stand next to him at the rail, and put a hand on his arm.

"I thought you were wrong," he said, very low. "I wanted you to be wrong. Oh, Christ, Cody - " His voice broke and he made to turn away, but when I grabbed his shoulder he stopped.

"I'm sorry, Nick," I whispered, the words inadequate but the only ones I had. His eyes met mine and held; and for the first time since that stupid singles party I felt my love for him and his for me, and knew, right then, that I'd do whatever it took to put us back together. "I know I screwed up badly. I - oh Nick, I need you, buddy. I love you."

He nodded slowly, eyes still locked on mine. "I love you too, Cody. I do. That's why it matters so damned much. You know?"

"I know." I swallowed hard. "It matters to me too." What we'd had meant more than anything else ever could, and I'd done my best to fuck it up beyond repair.

Nick must have felt my reaction to that thought, because he stepped closer to me and rested a hand on my back. "Do you really mean that, Cody?"

Hope flooded through me and I just nodded, too choked up to speak.

"Good," he said, very softly, and his arm went round me.

I leaned into him, feeling the warmth and strength of him against me fill the empty ache I'd been living with. "I'll make it work this time, Nick. I promise."

"I don't want promises, Cody. Promises get broken." He squeezed my shoulder hard. "All I need is to know that you love me. That you really want this. If that's how you feel, then we'll make it work together. But if it's not - for God's sake tell me now."

"Nick, I love you." I grabbed his arms, pulling him towards me, pressing our bodies together. "I want us to be together again." I wanted to tell him how badly I needed him, how sorry I was, but the mix of love and fear in his eyes left me without words. I kissed him instead.

He resisted for a moment then his lips softened under mine, parting, and he leaned into me, wrapping both arms around me. Tasting him, feeling us together was perfect. It was home.

When our lips parted, he smiled into my eyes. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." High on relief, I leaned in to kiss him again, but he pushed me back, shaking his head. Fear knotted my gut again, but his eyes were warm. Confused, I asked "What is it?"

Nick grinned at me. "I'm all for kissing you again, babe. In fact, it's all I plan on doing for the next coupla hours. But unless you want to scare the neighbors, we'd better take it inside, huh?"

I looked over Nick's shoulder at the Barefoot Contessa, deck mercifully bare of her crew. There were a few people on the pier, hopefully far enough away for the dusk to have given us privacy. He was right, but I wasn't ready to let him go yet, even for the minute or two it would take us to get inside. "Soon," I said softly, and kissed him again.  



End file.
